For the last few years, menopause has been having a moment. Thank goodness. A flush of books, TV programs, magazine articles and podcasts, as well as governmental and organisational initiatives, are making secrecy around the ‘M Word’ a thing of the past.
However, surprise, surprise, the menopause narrative tends to ignore the experience of women without children, with the notable exceptions of: Hagitude by Dr Sharon Blackie; Still Hot! by Kaye Adams & Vicky Allen, and Cracking The Menopause by Mariella Frostrup & Alice Smellie—all books that include interviews (or snippets) from me. I’ve also discussed it on podcasts such as The Hagitute Sessions and the Red School’s Menstruality Podcast.
And then, of course, there’s the strong focus on the ‘going through it’ bit. Because menopause isn’t just the permanent cessation of menstruation, nor is the often bewildering 8-10 years peri-menopause process that precedes it.
Menopause is not an event, a date on the calendar—it is our embodied experience as women for the rest of our lives once our bodies are beyond our potentially childbearing years.
But we don’t hear much about life after menopause, which colludes with the pronatalist-driven narrative that post-fertile women are of no interest or use to the patriarchal project (other than the ‘grandmother hypothesis’—confirming once again that patriarchy sees no value in old women other than as reproductive support). You won’t be surprised to know that I, and my wise and experienced panel of childless elderwomen, don’t agree!
Post-menopausal women are of value to the culture, with or without children.
Menopause is a natural stage of life for women, and brings gifts as well as challenges—it’s not just a whack-a-mole list of symptoms; it can also be a powerful portal into a new kind of relationship with our body, our sensuality, the people in our lives, our world view, and our personality. No biggie then.
Menopause can be the end of ‘playing nice’ with the world, and a deepening of what matters to us in the time we have left on this earth.
Whether you are in your menopause transition, post-menopausal, or have that ahead of you one day, we hope you enjoy watching/listening to this powerful, juicy, soulful and helpful discussion about what menopause might mean for women without children, and to explore how profoundly our attitude towards menopause can impact our experience of it.
Special guests!
CATHERINE-EMMANUELLE DELISLE (CAN) is 49 and a Therapist For Relationship Assistance (TRA) working with childless people in both French and English, as well as a regular workplace and conference speaker on the issues facing people without children. She is the founder of the award-winning Francophone website for women without children, Femme Sans Enfant and a licensed Gateway Women Reignite Weekend facilitator. Now in her late 40s, Catherine-Emmanuelle was diagnosed with unexplained early menopause at 14 and told that she would never be able to have biological children. She is joining us as a ‘middle-aged’ guest to speak to the complex experience of early menopause as a childless woman. Catherine-Emmanuelle has been closely involved with Gateway Women since 2012 and is also a World Childless Week Ambassador.
ANN MARIE McQUEEN (CAN/UAE) is a Canadian health and wellness journalist with over 30 years of experience. She launched Hotflash Inc in June 2020 to cover the latest clinical studies, treatments, products, guidance and more via a weekly research letter, podcast and across social media, bridging the widening gap between mainstream and holistic menopause care. Hotflash Inc. subscribers include some of the top CEOs, doctors and other practitioners in the space, alongside curious, open-minded women and other folks seeking to connect the dots and find their own solutions, all part of a fast-growing 25k+ global community living across 45+ countries. She’s also North America’s first dedicated menopause and midlife columnist, writing a twice-monthly column for Canada’s Postmedia newspaper group and Healthing.ca, a digital space. Ann Marie is 55 and childless-not-by-choice. https://www.hotflashinc.com/
And from our regular panel of wonderful childless elderwomen:
DR STELLA DUFFY OBE (UK/NZ) is in her early 60s. She grew up in Aotearoa/New Zealand and has lived in the UK since her early 20s. She is an existential psychotherapist and also teaches psychotherapy theory and practice, as well as an award-winning writer of seventeen novels, over seventy short stories, and fifteen plays. Her doctoral research was in the embodied experience of postmenopause, and she is currently rewriting her thesis for mass-market publication with Virago, entitled Being The Change – it’s a guide to embracing our creative postmenopause. Stella is also a yoga teacher who teaches yoga for writers. She and her wife are childless due to cancer treatment and subsequent failed IVF. http://stelladuffy.blog
SUE FAGALDE LICK (US) is in her early seventies and the author of the memoir & blog ‘Childless by Marriage’, the collection ‘Love or Children: When You Can’t Have Both‘, a wonderful trilogy of novels (beginning with ‘Up Beaver Creek‘) featuring her inspiring and relatable childless heroine, ‘P.D.’, as well as journalism & poetry. She is childless due to her second husband not wanting (more) children and in 2024, published her memoir ‘No Way Out of This: Loving a Partner with Alzheimer’s‘, about their marriage, his decline, her life whilst being his sole carer, and death. A musician and singer, she lives alone in rural Oregon and writes a Substack about her experience of ‘solo ageing’ called ‘Can I Do It Alone?‘ Main website: www.suelick.com
KATE KAUFMANN (US) is in her early 70s, and the author of Do You Have Kids? Life When the Answer Is No. Kate’s blog for Psychology Today, ‘Unapparent’, explores the lives and issues faced by the childless and childfree. She is childless due to failed infertility treatments and single after divorce. www.katekaufmann.com
SUE NEWSOME (UK) is in her early sixties and a psychosexual therapist, coach and educator, and in 2013 was named ‘Sex Therapist of the Year’ by Outsiders, the UK charity that provides sex and relationship support to physically and socially disabled people. Partnered and childless-by-circumstance herself, Sue has been a long-time member of Gateway Women. www.suenewsome.com
MARIA HILL (US) is in her mid-seventies. She is a World Childless Week Ambassador and a long-time member of the Gateway Women/Childless Collective online community. She is the founder of Sensitive Evolution and the author of The Emerging Sensitive: A Guide For Finding Your Place In The World. She is a writer, coach, healer, and transformative thinker illuminating the connection between culture, identity and the self. She can be found on her Substack, where she discusses the current cultural shift from hierarchical to egalitarian systems. https://mariahill.substack.com/
Find out more about Jody’s Gateway Elderwomen project here. Read Jody’s FREE essays on her Bestselling Substack ‘Gateway Elderwomen’ here. Join Jody’s ‘Childless Elderwomen’ subgroup (hosted by the Childless Collective) here. Join the Gateway Women newsletter so you don’t miss notice of the the next Fireside Wisdom call here.
