Find a Therapist

How do I find a counsellor or therapist to help me with my childlessness?

You can download my guide to finding a therapist (including some individuals I can recomend) here

  • You might want your prospective therapist if they have experience with childlessness-related grief as many of us have found that therapists are not immune to the same unconscious prejudices as the rest of society. Read and share/discuss this article (for therapists) with your therapist/potential therapist and see if they are suitably receptive to the issues: 10 Things You Need to Know About Involuntary Childlessness
  • If you’re in the UK, you can find a therapist near you via the UKCP or BACP.
  • In the UK you could also try Wellbeing’s ‘Find A Therapist’ questionnaire designed to help you identify the therapeutic approach that may work best for you. http://welldoing.org/find-a-therapist/
  • If you have experienced infertility, you may like to find someone via the BICA website (British Infertility Counselling Association). They are aware of the work of Gateway Women and I have spoken at their events.
  • In the USA and Canada, you can search using the Psychology Today listings (search for ‘infertility’ therapists even if you are not infertile/never had treatments as they may well have experience of working with the grief of childlessness – be sure to ask them!)
  •  If you are feeling in deep despair about your childlessness, I really recommend contacting The Samaritans if you are in the UK. YOU DON’T NEED TO BE FEELING SUICIDAL TO CALL THEM. They have a 24-hour number 08457 90 90 90. Sometimes the feelings of grief and hopelessness that childlessness can bring up can be very deep and talking to someone can really help. The middle of the night, weekends, Christmas and other holidays can be an especially tough time for childlessness so please don’t feel you’re being melodramatic…

Please let us know in the comments below if you know of any other resources in this area that we might include.

4 Comments on Find a Therapist

  1. I have been in a relationship for 18 months having been really clear that I am only interested in a relationship which is about making a family. We have found out that we have very low fertility and so unlikely to conceive naturally. I am stricken with grief about the idea of maybe ending up childless having never been able to try. He won’t start trying because the relationship has been rocky and he is scared to start a family in a rocky place. I can totally understand that. What makes the rockiness though is my feeling of being unable to move forwards together. He is still married and though they separated just as we met the divorce paperwork has only just started. It is running late and I have no way to influence the process to move faster or even to move which is exasperating. He feels that he is moving as fast as possible and is also exasperated that I feel so let down. It feels we made a plan to wait til June or November to start trying but I got nervous that this might never happen and then I will have waited too long. How can we retain our individual needs. Redevelop Trust AnD have a loving family in time. There is so much pressure and grief. And of course all of my friends are pregnant or into a second and everywhere I looknis people getting on and me just being stuck

    • Dear Water Dater – The panic and fear you’re experiencing over waiting to start to try to conceive sounds really hard. However, what I’m hearing is that the relationship is ‘rocky’ too and your partner is also perhaps not ready. Divorce is more than paperwork… I’d really suggested you seek some support for yourself from a counsellor to help manage your anxiety and to think and feel your way through all this. Hugs, Jody x

  2. I am 37, childless. I found the love of my life who already has a son and does not want any more children. After 7 years I’ve realized that i will never be able to change his mind. He proposed, I said yes, but I struggle to move towards acceptance that I will never be a Mum. This is so frustrating as I feel so miserable. Any tips for me, please?

    • Hi Ramona – your situation, being ‘childless by relationship’ is one that quite a few other women in our private online community have either come to terms with, or are in the process of doing so. My tip would be to join us there where we can have a private conversation and both I, and our wonderful members, can support you. Hugs, Jody x

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